Embarrassment
Today has been an embarrassing day. As I have said many times, I suffer with many physical symptoms due to my anxiety and one of them is having a dodgy stomach. I am also very unhealthy and after exercise or walking a good distance like today, I sweat. A lot. I had my second session of CBT today and my tummy was very bad. When I arrived, I looked like a sweaty tomato. And its just embarrassing. I used to be very fit and healthy and back then I thought I was fat. What I would do to be like that now.
The CBT went well. In my first session with her she gave me a fact sheet about IBS symptoms. She isn't a medical professional but from her experience, I may struggle with this. I will bring it up with the doctor when I next see her. She had a more complicated CBT model for me to look at this week which links in and helps IBS symptoms. However, she changed her mind. When we reviewed the models I did from home over the past week, she said we have to really go back to basics. My written goals for the future are to eat and drink water every 3 hours, clean my teeth twice a day and shower every other day. I don't have the motivation to do basic things at the moment and I'm not looking after myself. She said we should work towards those goals first before moving onto the anxiety. I have been given a diary for the next 2 weeks. I need to aim to work towards those goals by giving myself one thing (eg. Shower) within 2 hour time slots in a day. I filled out the first week when I got home and hopefully I will tick them all off. I am trying too hard currently and when I fail, I either give up or just feel like there's no point. I need to learn to take a breath and go right back to the bare basics. I feel like a child but if this is how I'll improve, then that's what I'll do. I'll see her again in 2 weeks and hopefully I will have done the tasks I have set myself. Then I will be one step closer to my goals.
Whilst I was there, I popped into the GP Surgery and sorted out my online services. That way I can order repeat prescriptions online and won't have to talk to anyone by phone. You can also see a brief medical history and any test results. Its very handy. So I logged in and ordered my Sertraline when I got home and I'll pick that up in a few days too. Although, I have been taking it for a few weeks now and it is not helping yet.
Finally for today, a good friend came over. I am so pleased we are back in contact again as we drifted from school. She's the loveliest person and we had such good chats tonight including some very embarrassing stories that I definitely won't be sharing here. It really cheered me up after a hard day.
Tomorrow it is my best friends birthday. She has no plans until next month but I will do something for her of course. My partner has a universal credit meeting tomorrow to see how his job hunt is going and that's it! A fairly peaceful day. I hope.
The CBT went well. In my first session with her she gave me a fact sheet about IBS symptoms. She isn't a medical professional but from her experience, I may struggle with this. I will bring it up with the doctor when I next see her. She had a more complicated CBT model for me to look at this week which links in and helps IBS symptoms. However, she changed her mind. When we reviewed the models I did from home over the past week, she said we have to really go back to basics. My written goals for the future are to eat and drink water every 3 hours, clean my teeth twice a day and shower every other day. I don't have the motivation to do basic things at the moment and I'm not looking after myself. She said we should work towards those goals first before moving onto the anxiety. I have been given a diary for the next 2 weeks. I need to aim to work towards those goals by giving myself one thing (eg. Shower) within 2 hour time slots in a day. I filled out the first week when I got home and hopefully I will tick them all off. I am trying too hard currently and when I fail, I either give up or just feel like there's no point. I need to learn to take a breath and go right back to the bare basics. I feel like a child but if this is how I'll improve, then that's what I'll do. I'll see her again in 2 weeks and hopefully I will have done the tasks I have set myself. Then I will be one step closer to my goals.
Whilst I was there, I popped into the GP Surgery and sorted out my online services. That way I can order repeat prescriptions online and won't have to talk to anyone by phone. You can also see a brief medical history and any test results. Its very handy. So I logged in and ordered my Sertraline when I got home and I'll pick that up in a few days too. Although, I have been taking it for a few weeks now and it is not helping yet.
Finally for today, a good friend came over. I am so pleased we are back in contact again as we drifted from school. She's the loveliest person and we had such good chats tonight including some very embarrassing stories that I definitely won't be sharing here. It really cheered me up after a hard day.
Tomorrow it is my best friends birthday. She has no plans until next month but I will do something for her of course. My partner has a universal credit meeting tomorrow to see how his job hunt is going and that's it! A fairly peaceful day. I hope.
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