MyCrazyMental

So I have 4 days to catch you up on. I normally post a little more regularly than this but I've been having a pretty rough time. Aren't I always though? On Sunday I really didn't do much except for making a few plans for the week ahead which I started on Monday. I applied for a job. Ok, that sounds a lot more impressive than it really is. There is a magazine which gets distributed once a month to my local area, I have written a little bit about it before. I love it because it really gives some free/cheap ideas of things to do near me so that I don't have to travel far and it of course helps due to my low amount of benefits. I currently have roughly £20-25 I can spend a week once phone bills etc. have gone out so anything I can get for a bit cheaper makes it a lot easier. Anyway - long story short, they are looking for distributors once a month to deliver this magazine. It wouldn't affect my benefits due it just being a few hours a month but it will give me a littl...

On Thursday I received my letter giving me the time and date for my mental health assessment. I waited 6 weeks to get it so I'm glad it finally came. For anyone who doesn't know, I am currently receiving universal credit benefits. This is due to my mental state affecting my current ability to work. I had to leave my last job because of this and my doctor (and myself) believe that I am unable to be in employment at this time. However, the final decision lies with the health advisory service. I have already sent them a long form outlining everything that I struggle with on a daily basis and they will use that along with what they learn about me during the assessment to make a decision about what amount of money I am entitled to. They may disagree with my doctors decision and say that I must look for work or they may believe that I am actually entitled to get more/ less money than I currently am. My assessment is in 3 weeks so I will let you know the outcome then. Yesterday I go...

So on Monday night, I reached 100 followers on my Pinterest page. Due to only having one on this blog page (my best friend), I didn't honestly have much hope. But I did it. And it feels great. If anyone is interested in following me then the link is here: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/mycrazymental/ I have a mental health board of course as well as some boards of things that just make me happy and hopefully they'll make you happy too. Thanks in advance if you do check it out. I can't quite remember if I have mentioned this before but I would love to start doing videos on my Youtube channel. I watch videos every day and they inspire me and I want to create them. You have to be very sure of yourself and strong minded though because of internet trolls and nasty people online and to be honest, I'm not sure I could handle it. But I'd love to try. If I manage to do this in the future I will be sure to link my Youtube channel here too. But anyway, what have I been up t...

On Saturday I saw The Greatest Showman at an outdoor cinema with my partner and his dad. I was expecting it to be in a fielded area but it was a Mercedes car park. It was amazing though. All the money raised went to a guide dog charity and I think my partner was more interested in looking at all the dogs that were about rather than the film. They were adorable though, I don't blame him. My partners dad thought I came over prepared but I disagree, it was so nice to be wrapped up nice and warm with a potato and leek cup a soup in my flask. I wore two t-shirts, a coat, Russian hat, penguin gloves which are meant for children but still fit my tiny hands and covered myself with a big jumper and even brought a hot water bottle. We had other snacks to eat while we watched and it was so nice to watch a film and actually be out in the fresh air, feeling the breeze on your face. There were a few funny moments too - A few minutes into the film the projector turned off because someone turned a...

So I had a complete mental breakdown Wednesday night. Great way to start this blog, right? I think I was incredibly overwhelmed from the possible PTSD Diagnosis and it scared the crap out of me. I'm not even sure what time it was, maybe 4-5am. I was still awake because I was stressing (yeah, going to sleep at 10 definitely did not happen) and I just broke down. I was angry, upset and my emotions were just flying. This is certainly going to be a challenging thing to process and try to get through but I've had a good few days since. Yesterday my partner had a job interview which went really well. We're all feeling positive. And then a friend came over to play board games and have some drinks. I haven't seen him for a few months as he lives very far away and its incredibly expensive to travel here. But it just makes it more special when he does make it. We both said the same thing last night, it was so good to laugh until we literally cried. We had such a funny time, got...

Hi guys. So today is Wednesday and I'm actually about to go bed at 10pm, result! My sleeping pattern has been all over the place lately but I had to get up for an appointment today after 4 hours of sleep so I'm hoping that I will get up early tomorrow. I am yet again behind on coursework so the plan is to wake up early and get it done. I can dream. So, I have 4 days to catch you up on although I had a much needed lazy day on Sunday so there's not much to say there. On Monday, my cousin was supposed to come over but there were flash floods where she lived due to copious amounts of rain so unfortunately she was not able to make it. I will be going with her for an appointment a fair way away from here next week and I'd like to see her for a chat before hand but I will see. Our gorgeous dog got spayed on Monday and the poor thing is still having a hard time. She keeps trying to lick her wound and if we put a cone on her, she smacks her head and runs into things so that...

This blog is a day late because if I'm honest, I've been having a pretty hard time. Going back to the town I grew up in on Thursday really did a number on me and I've been overthinking a lot. I'm really missing my Mum at the moment and I really wish that she could be here to give me the strength I need to keep improving and get better. I miss her so much every day and last night I had a big old cry because I just couldn't get her out of my head. Its been 14 years since she passed away but if you have been through bereavement yourself, you may understand that its very hard to let go. My Mum brought me into this world and I only had 9 short years with her before she left. Its very hard to accept that I will never see her again or hear her voice but I know she is with my in spirit. On Friday, my partner had an appointment and we then went to his dads for dinner. There is an incredible fish and chip shop where he lives so that's what we had. My bestie also came ov...

Hello, all. Yesterday my partner went with his family into the city to play golf. I had a really tough night sleeping the night before so I decided to give it a miss as I had a busy evening planned. My afternoon plans got rescheduled to today but my friend still came over for our evening picnic. Unfortunately, we had to eat our picnic indoors as the weather was terrible but we still went for a nice, long walk and had a great chat. We've decided that next time we meet, we will have some drinks so that will be fun. Today my partner had his universal credit meeting and I went and met up with my cousin. We went to hers and also to the pub to meet my uncle. I was considering writing a little about my family and I would like to but as it involves others, I thought it would be safer I didn't. All I will say is that I haven't seen my uncle since I was 9 years old so it was crazy to see him again. Being back in the town that I lived with my mum (who is now deceased) and seeing c...

So, hello. I am going to quickly start this blog by talking about two shows that I have watched on Netflix recently called Bodyguard and 13 Reasons Why. The reason I wanted to briefly mention these is because they address real life things that are happening day. They don't shy away from it. Terrorism and Politics are key themes within Bodyguard and for 13 Reasons - Sexual, physical and mental abuse, bullying, neglect, suicide, rape & murder to name just a few. These are definitely not shows for everyone, especially not the latter. But for people like me who want to be even more aware of the real stuff going on in the world around us, I think its good to watch. I really empathized with parts of 13 Reasons and I think many people would. Plus there is a small series for when you have finished the show where the cast and mental health professionals discuss certain scenes in the show and what to do when you are actually in a similar situation. They also have a website which an act...

Yesterday evening was really lovely. Another member of the family made their own quiz and we did mine aswell. We had a roast dinner which always makes me happy and just had a good chat. It really is the highlight of my week going to my partners dads for dinner. I enjoy it very much. Yesterday evening Zoe Sugg put out a Youtube video of a live smear test and did a Q&A with the nurse. I learnt a lot from it and I feel a little (very little) bit more able to head to the doctors now. I thought that if that made me feel more comfortable about smears, maybe if I watched a video of a blood test, that could help too. It was terrifying but I managed and I really think it did help. I really never have had a problem with needles until the local anesthetic. Its extremely frustrating but I am doing everything in my power to get control of my thoughts and help myself in any way I can. My anxiety and phobias don't control my life, I do. Tomorrow is the dreaded doctors appointment. I've ...