PTSD
Hi guys. So today is Wednesday and I'm actually about to go bed at 10pm, result! My sleeping pattern has been all over the place lately but I had to get up for an appointment today after 4 hours of sleep so I'm hoping that I will get up early tomorrow. I am yet again behind on coursework so the plan is to wake up early and get it done. I can dream.
So, I have 4 days to catch you up on although I had a much needed lazy day on Sunday so there's not much to say there.
On Monday, my cousin was supposed to come over but there were flash floods where she lived due to copious amounts of rain so unfortunately she was not able to make it. I will be going with her for an appointment a fair way away from here next week and I'd like to see her for a chat before hand but I will see. Our gorgeous dog got spayed on Monday and the poor thing is still having a hard time. She keeps trying to lick her wound and if we put a cone on her, she smacks her head and runs into things so that's why my sleeping has been all over the place, trying to keep an eye on her.
On Tuesday, I did some more coursework and I walked to the supermarket and back. I walked a mile a half. That may not be much to some people but that's a huge distance for me and I am very proud of myself.
Today is going to be the main bulk of this blog because something very unexpected happened during my therapy session. I had a second PTSD Assessment and my therapist is basically positive that I have PTSD. She can't officially diagnose me because that is down to someone else but according to the test, I do. Its something I have never really even considered as most of the things I go through are just normal to me now. I'm used to them. But when we started delving deeper, so many things made so much sense. I will try to share as much as I can but I will not be able to say everything. There is a main trigger for me but I will not say his name due to it being about another individual. I respect everyones privacy, even him. But I will talk about my Mum. I cannot see my therapist next week due to the appointment I talked about above but I will chat to her again in 2 weeks time and we will start to work on something called TF CBT. (Trauma Focused - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). This is where you basically relive your memories and try to recall the events in detail as much as possible to help us think about the event in a different way. My therapist explained it to me as a messy airing cupboard. Each piece of clothing is a memory and for people with PTSD, their clothing (traumatic memories) are just tossed into the cupboard. There is no organization, its all a mess and every time we brush past the cupboard, it all falls out. What happens in TF CBT is we aim to take out each individual clothing item, fold it up neatly and put it back into the airing cupboard. Once we have done this with all of them, we can close the door shut behind us. Its going to be hard and I don't know whether to be happy of a potential diagnosis and possible treatment plan, or terrified. I'm currently the latter.
On the way home from the assessment I decided to pop in to where I used to work. I hadn't seen my old boss for a long time since I had to leave due to my mental health and I missed her. She was and still is an outstanding boss and friend and I was so pleased to see her today. I will try to make more of an effort and not let my anxiety get in the way. She also said she read my blogs which really made me smile, so thank you if you read this one too! You're incredible.
Then finally, a roast dinner with my partners dad and family. Yum yum yum.
As usual there is a lot going on, lots of coursework & things still to do, but all I can do is keep on trying and continue plodding on.
So, I have 4 days to catch you up on although I had a much needed lazy day on Sunday so there's not much to say there.
On Monday, my cousin was supposed to come over but there were flash floods where she lived due to copious amounts of rain so unfortunately she was not able to make it. I will be going with her for an appointment a fair way away from here next week and I'd like to see her for a chat before hand but I will see. Our gorgeous dog got spayed on Monday and the poor thing is still having a hard time. She keeps trying to lick her wound and if we put a cone on her, she smacks her head and runs into things so that's why my sleeping has been all over the place, trying to keep an eye on her.
On Tuesday, I did some more coursework and I walked to the supermarket and back. I walked a mile a half. That may not be much to some people but that's a huge distance for me and I am very proud of myself.
Today is going to be the main bulk of this blog because something very unexpected happened during my therapy session. I had a second PTSD Assessment and my therapist is basically positive that I have PTSD. She can't officially diagnose me because that is down to someone else but according to the test, I do. Its something I have never really even considered as most of the things I go through are just normal to me now. I'm used to them. But when we started delving deeper, so many things made so much sense. I will try to share as much as I can but I will not be able to say everything. There is a main trigger for me but I will not say his name due to it being about another individual. I respect everyones privacy, even him. But I will talk about my Mum. I cannot see my therapist next week due to the appointment I talked about above but I will chat to her again in 2 weeks time and we will start to work on something called TF CBT. (Trauma Focused - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). This is where you basically relive your memories and try to recall the events in detail as much as possible to help us think about the event in a different way. My therapist explained it to me as a messy airing cupboard. Each piece of clothing is a memory and for people with PTSD, their clothing (traumatic memories) are just tossed into the cupboard. There is no organization, its all a mess and every time we brush past the cupboard, it all falls out. What happens in TF CBT is we aim to take out each individual clothing item, fold it up neatly and put it back into the airing cupboard. Once we have done this with all of them, we can close the door shut behind us. Its going to be hard and I don't know whether to be happy of a potential diagnosis and possible treatment plan, or terrified. I'm currently the latter.
On the way home from the assessment I decided to pop in to where I used to work. I hadn't seen my old boss for a long time since I had to leave due to my mental health and I missed her. She was and still is an outstanding boss and friend and I was so pleased to see her today. I will try to make more of an effort and not let my anxiety get in the way. She also said she read my blogs which really made me smile, so thank you if you read this one too! You're incredible.
Then finally, a roast dinner with my partners dad and family. Yum yum yum.
As usual there is a lot going on, lots of coursework & things still to do, but all I can do is keep on trying and continue plodding on.
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